


small steps.

by sncwbaz



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fluff, M/M, like.. the softest of all fluff, positive mention of therapy, rated t for one swear word being used lmao, simon being v happy but like... soft happy, some character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 03:05:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11348556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sncwbaz/pseuds/sncwbaz
Summary: Simon had a really good therapy session and is just having a really good day in his recovery. Just Simon and Baz being soft boyfriends as they both get enjoyment out of Simon's wonderful mood.





	small steps.

Simon let out a content sigh as he fell face down onto his bed. He rubbed his face against his soft pillow. There was a light and comfortable feeling that spread through his chest, up his throat.

Today he’d had a good talk with his therapist, which had left him feeling hopeful. Simon was getting to the point that he started accepting that ‘getting better’ was something that happened in small steps forward, and that steps back were part of the process as well. He was finally reaching a point where he could appreciate the small steps, instead of getting frustrated for the steps not being as big as he wanted them to be.

When Baz had arrived at the apartment earlier today, Simon had cried and Baz had held him. Baz had asked Simon what was wrong, which had made Simon laugh and smile and cry even more. Baz had been happy when Simon had finally managed to tell him the real reason for his tears. He’d ended up holding Simon even tighter than before.

Now, Simon heard Baz enter the bedroom after having finished up in the bathroom. Simon took his face out of his pillow in order to look at Baz as Baz joined him in bed. The bed was big, but Baz lay down right next to Simon, with barely a few inches of space between them. Simon thought of how calm and comforted he felt with Baz so close to him. The soft happiness that he felt with Baz was a huge progress from their past. Simon didn’t really know how Baz went from the number one person to get under his skin like it was nothing, to the person with whom Simon felt his best self.

Simon stared at Baz as Baz scrolled through his phone—probably browsing through his Facebook or Instagram—with a funny frown on his face.

“What is it?” Simon asked amused.

“Fiona keeps stalking me on Instagram,” Baz answered and he turned his phone screen to Simon so Simon could see. Simon moved closer and rested his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder. This way they could both look at the screen.

“It’s a picture of us,” Simon said happily. The screen displayed a picture of Baz and Simon posing with the Big Ben in the background. Penny had taken that one when Micah was visiting them in London and he had insisted on being tourists for a day.

Baz nodded, his chin rubbed against the top of Simon’s head. “It is, but look at the comments.”

Fiona’s comment was simply her calling them stupid for acting like tourists in the city they live in, and well… she wasn’t really wrong.

“She keeps posting snarky and sarcastic comments on my posts, thinking she’s all that much. She doesn’t even like my posts, she just stalks my account to annoy me,” Baz mopes, which makes Simon snort.

“I didn’t know that Fiona owns an Instagram account,” Simon tilted his head awkwardly to look at Baz. His face was lit up by his phone screen in the dark room.

“She does. Her account is one tragic mess. All she posts are pictures of angsty quotes she found online. Sometimes I wonder if she’s a fourteen year old, stuck in her emo phase.”

Simon laughed at that. “You take after her,” Simon teased.

Baz raised both of his eyebrows. “Fuck you, Snow.”

Simon grinned at Baz and hummed. He was feeling too tired to from an actual response. He felt his eyes slowly fall close even though his mind still felt very awake. The both of them were quiet for a moment.

“You two are alike though,” Simon pointed out in a soft, sleepy voice. “You said all her comments are snarky and sarcastic. And of course, let’s not forget about the dark and edgy image you’re both trying to live up to.”

Baz pushed against Simon’s shoulder as sign of protest and Simon barked out a laugh.

“We both know you’re lying, Snow. You’re not scared of me like you’re scared of Fiona,” Baz teased.

Simon opened his eyes again and looked at Baz. “That’s right, you are a less intimidating, less frightening version of your aunt. You’ve got a lot to learn from her.”

Simon giggles as Baz pushed him again and rolled on top of him. “Sod off,” Baz said, though he didn’t manage to sound convincing.

Simon looked up at him, a lazy and content smile on his lips. He noticed how something changed in the way Baz looked at him.

“It makes me happy to see you like this,” Baz stated.

“Like what?” Simon asked with a yawn chasing his words.

Baz placed a soft kiss on Simon’s brow before lying down next to Simon again. The two of them faced each other. “Happy,” Baz said,” I mean, there have been many times when you’ve been happy, but those moments were always… different. They could always turn around with as much force as those happy moments had come up, if that makes sense. Now you seem peaceful. When I see you like this I’m not afraid that you can go back to feeling sad or down at any second. I don’t know, Simon, it just does me good to see you so calmly happy. For some reason it makes you seem more alive than when you have bursts of happiness.”

Simon’s smile widened. He did understand what Baz meant–or more so, he recognised the feeling. Every time Simon had been happy, there had been an undertone of sadness. He would always try to ignore that underlying sadness by being almost furiously happy. There was no such a thing as soft happiness because that kind of happiness wouldn’t outcry the underlying sad feeling in his gut. He knew Baz had always noticed something off about that loud kind of happiness, but maybe he’d never been able to word it. 

Right now Simon was just… happy. Nothing more, nothing less. There was no underlying sadness, which meant his happiness was pure and soft and just there.

“I think I know what you mean. I just—I really just feel… good,” Simon said.

Baz returned Simon’s smile and wrapped his arms around him. Baz pulled Simon close and turned onto his back, so Simon ended up draped over Baz. Simon pushed his face into Baz’s shoulder with a happy sigh. They stayed like that for a long time, neither of them wanting to let go of this moment, even though Simon was almost certain that this feeling would carry on into the morning. It was that thought that finally made his mind drift away into a deep sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is also posted on my Tumblr (@sncwbaz just like on here).


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